When Bad Happens

A drama-documentary hits the Cortex in March 2532, broadcast on a major network at prime time: When Bad Happens. This week's episode is subtitled, 'Jungle Wreckers', and is trailered thusly:

The camera opens showing us tangled wreckage buried in lush, verdant jungle. A Hornet-class ship, belly-down in the tall trees and listing at a drunken angle. A handheld camera showing a scary-looking, gaunt figure standing high on the wrecked ship, but it cuts away before most people could recognize Sypher. A sombre voiceover: 'When things go wrong. When you're stuck on a hellhole. That's the situation the crew of the 'Aces and Eights' found themselves in, deep in the deadly jungles of Whittier.'

The camera cuts to shots of the inside of an Alliance ship a general alert claxon going off, booted feet thudding off bunks and pounding down corridors, quiet urgency on the bridge, a (clearly library footage) shot of a Longbow class cruiser slowly turning, then engaging full afterburner. 'That's when the men and women of the Alliance step in. No job is too hard, no job is too dangerous.'

Martial march music picks up tempo, a drum beating faster, and the camera shifts to hand-held verite, rapid cuts getting faster and faster through the climactic sequence of the trailer: A close-up of a handsome man recognizable as Doc Holliday saying 'This here crashed ship ah owns.'. Someone recognizable as Heather Jacy, talking to Sinklar Fist, Matitie Reinhart and Holliday with the jungle as a backdrop, 'We don't want anyone getting spooked.'. Close-up footage evidently taken with a telephoto lens from a distance to judge from the foreshortening, an Alliance shuttle firing a chaingun into the jungle, tracer rounds marking a swath of destruction. Footage of the 'Aces and Eights' engines belching black smoke, while someone is saying, 'If we crash an' die it's not like you can scold me.' (Those who know him can recognize the voice as Zank's). Some shaky footage of a female soldier, screaming and clutching her face in agony, although it's not clear why.

Then silence. A beat. The Alliance flag filling the field, flapping in the breeze, as the announcer chimes in, 'When bad happens, the Alliance is ready. Tune in to your local Cortex station to see 'When bad happens', coming soon! Parental discretion advised.'