Monkey Madness - Peace Parlay

LOG - November 25, 2011

Monkey Madness - Peace Parlay Between Paquin Gypsies and Commonwealth Pirates

Guests - Captain Mcguire and Admiral Frost

Host - Aubrey

This is a very special episode of Monkey Madness, obviously, as the set is something resembling...something out of mini-tropical paradise, including coconut cups of different drinks set on bamboo and palm wood being used for the furniture...tiny umbrellas in the drinks and a couple of stuffed tropical birds set on shelves. The cameras have been set up and as the theme music plays something out of a Luau from Earth that Was, tiny animated monkeys wearing grass skirts dance across the screen doing the hula and the words MONKEY MADNESS flicker over whatever screen on the cortex you're watching."

Aubrey The host does soon get focused on and he's shirtless wearing a flower necklace and a grass skirt (purple of course) paired with a wreathe of purple glittery flowers worn on his head as well...Aubrey Everson, his hair dark brown once more and hanging free down around his shoulders, streaked with purple and red as he holds his clipboard and turns eye the camera suspiciously...to welcome his guests and viewers. "WELCOME to Monkey Madness, oo oo aah aah, the interview show that brings the truth to the verse and the verse...to the truth. I'm your host. Aubrey." He curtsies politely, adjusting his hold on his digital clipboard as he holds his left arm out as it is draped with leis for the guests to accept as they enter the sectioned off set. "These men can introduce themselves...we're here for a very very special episode of Monkey Madness...I promise you, nothing like this has been done before in the history of the verse." He holds up the arm of flower necklaces, waiting for the guests to arrive and take their leis.

McGuire stands five feet and eleven inches of solid mass and frame. Short black hair with streaks of gray and white in thick curls and waves. Bushy salt and pepper black eyebrows help define his sharp deep blue eyes, with long dark lashes that soften his rough expression. Leather tanned skin holds deep age lines across his forehead, and etch deep crows feet off his eyes and down his cheeks. He looks to be in his mid fifties or worn really tough with time. Dressed in simple clothes of a strong button up red and black plaid shirt with long sleeves, covered with a dark brown jacket with a zipper pocket on the left breast and a light blue color that lays down across his shoulders. He has on a pair of tan jeans pants, and black steel toe boots. Slung low around his left hip is the brown leather holster for the Lightfoot as is empty at this moment. The thick brown leather belt that holds the holster and also supports two utility pouches on the right side. On his left hand ring finger is a wedding band that is plain and yet elegant. It is a small marquess cut diamond set into a gold band that has platinum edges.

In his left hand is a full bottle of the finest rum made in the 'verse and two glasses held together by two fingers. He steps to his appointed seat and stands to wait for the other seat to be filled.

Frost, the infamous Pirate Admiral, and self-proclaimed KING of the Commonwealth is the second to enter. He is in his notorious Pirate battledress, and has a serious expression upon his scarred (and recently battered) visage. Recent damage to his less then pretty face is obvious due to bandage to his left cheek and his nose cocked a bit off to the side. Cape flapping behind him with each step, the Admiral makes his way on to the set, looking it over with hesitation especially as he remembers his last visit to this show. However, he continues forward, and waits to take the leis, which the Pirate King actually wears, before he takes the remaining chair. A looks is spared for Aubrey, the host, but one is not yet given to his counter-part, McGuire."

McGuire says, "I'm Captain Faoite McGuire and I call parlay with you Admiral to discuss peace for Paquin." He holds out the bottle of rum and pulls the cork, setting the glass on the table before them and pouring each one a touch over half. He slides one to Frost and takes the other in hand, "I hope we can agree that such a thing is needed between us." He holds out the glass to Frost."

Frost reaches forward and takes the glass of rum, peers at it with his one reflective eye suspiciously, then takes a drink from it. No, a swig. No, he just finishes the whole thing off in one skillful gulp and places the glass in his lap, looking towards McGuire for the first time. "Ah shall respect yer request of parlay, mate. However, as indicated by the wounds upon me pretty face, it would appear not all of yer ilk be ready for said.... peace." he clears his throat. "But, ah be willing to listen to wha' ye 'ave to offer the Great Admiral Frost."

Aubrey The little shirtless man (or woman...who the hell knows?) just looks between the two men, back and forth and forth and back as they settle down and if allowed hands over the flower leis for them to take before he makes sure the coconuts are pushed forward to be filled with rum as it is poured and he just blinks as McGuire introduces himself and then looks to Frost expectantly. Then Aubrey hmms softly. "I now pronounce you...parlay and parlay. Your Majesty, you may kiss my ass and slap a camel while the Captain tapdances on a naked rabbit, I'm so proud of you both." He nods firmly and settles down himself, scribbling something on his digi-clipboard. "Welcome both of you to the show! And yes...you Captain are old and you Admiral are ugly as a dead vampire bat...but I think the fact that you're both here, in this place, with me...says volumes of how far this can go. You should both hug now."

McGuire says, "I ah..." He looks at Aubrey as if he wants to slug the man, but turns back to Frost and continues, "I had no idea about any aggressions against you of late." His narrows his eye's slightly at the mention of the fresh wounds and takes a rather large gulp from his glass as well. He sets it on the table and slides the bottle in front of Frost as he takes a seat. "That is why I wanted this Purple Monkey Show to broadcast this meeting, to let any further aggressions on our hand stop if this be the case at the end of this meeting." He takes another rather large gulp from his glass, almost finishing it and holding it level with the table. "I was asked by the leaders of the Romany people to speak, but it is for Paquin that I wish for this peace to be found. Since the attack, Paquin has managed to survive and rebuild herself again. But the people always look over their shoulders for fear of what might come. It is my hope to ease their minds."

Frost shakes his head, dreadlocks flipping over his shoulder as he does so. "Cap'n, the people of Paquin SHOULD look o'er their shoulder. They SHOULD fear the Commonwealth. For as long as Paquin allies itself with tha Alliance in this war, they be the enemies of tha Commonwealth. As long as tha leaders of tha planet of Paquin, Romany or Goverment, put their weight behind tha Purple-bellies, ah will always 'ave cannons or missiles pointed in their direction." says he purple Pirate Leader. As the bottle is set before him, Frost reaches forward and grabs it, taking a swig right from the bottle itself, rum leaking out the sides of his mouth to run down his chin and braided goatee. He had all the class of a pirate, that was for sure. He pauses a moment in his retort to Captain McGuire to look at Audrey. "Hug? Nay. Me hugs be lethal."

Aubrey is quiet looking between the two older men, twisting a lock of hair around a finger before quickly scribbling something down on his digi-pad and a tiny monkey dressed in a hula skirt skitters up his back and on to his shoulder as he continues to look between the two men as they discuss political business. "...So! Captain...do you want to trust Admiral?" He gestures towards Frost. "And you, Admiral...do you want to create a neutral ally within the sparkly jewelry folks that support the Captain here?" A pause. "Also, if you two could choose between a pair of heels or a nice set of lace lingerie, which would you choose. And in what color? I'm sure the verse is dying to know."

McGuire lowers his head slightly and holds his glass out to the rum bottle for a refill. He turns an angry eye to Aubrey and says, "You stow that gussa or I'll never make a donation to any of your fundraisers again, we in agreement?" He pulls a breath and steadies himself before he looks to Frost and says, "I'm not here to talk politics Admiral, or your war. That is between you and the Alliance and I quit the Alliance shortly after the battle of Serenity Valley because I just didn't believe in them anymore. That doesn't mean I'm siding with you either, because there are more folks out there that just want a normal life with out as many strings that you or the Alliance put on them. That's why I spend more time in the Black then I do on any one world. And the world I call home is so far out on the Rim that the long arm of the Alliance can barely touch them. But this parlay isn't about your war. This parlay is about a reassurance that such an attack is unlikely in the future. From my understanding, the attack originated because of a woman that got your goat, and it turns out your gun hands have poor aim. Well, you killed her, we buried what was left of her. Your conflict is over with her death, is it not? The back up she called was all she could do under the circumstances and the Alliance was once again to few to do any good. With the demise of Jade, shouldn't your efforts best be aimed to our peoples safety and not the cowering folks of Paquin?"

Frost's expression immediately grows dark upon Mcguire's monologue. "FOOL!" he suddenly screams, throwing the bottle of rum across the room in which this episode of the show was being filmed in. A THUNK can be heard, follows by the scream of the camera man as the image slowly starts to aim towards the ceiling. As the men fade from view, Frost can still be heard: "Threaten the host of parlay again, 'n Jade will not be tha LAST gypsy scum to die at the end of me gully, swine!" the camera is quickly righted by a standby camera man and Frost and McGuire, along with Aubrey are visible once again. Frost springs to his feet. "Ye offer me nothin', save for excuses n' cowardice. Ah respect ye right now 'bout as much as ah respect a vagina filled with a billion dildos!" the Admiral then considers the analogy and corrects himself. "Nay, tha would be an impressive dick-cave, ah respect tha MORE! Ye sit before me, TELLIN' me tha AH should accept peace? Nay, AH decide when PEACE be settled upon!" he jabs a finger towards the Captain. Then, suddenly, Frost's demeanor changes and he smiles, displaying his gold and platinum teeth and he looks to Aubrey. "Ah choose tha lingerie. Sometimes, when me Queen be not lookin', ah squeeze into hers. It hurts, it be like rammin' 'n elephant into a milk carton."

Aubrey just stares at McGuire for a few moments. "...so you'd choose the heels. Well I suppose you have nice...leg-" Then he's out of his seat rather quickly almost ducking and rolling when Frost throws the bottle and somebody gets hit and for a moment there's a bit of static as some behind the scenes things are done to replace the camera man and the camera to focus back on the host and the guests...even though everybody can hear Frost's tenacious response. However, at the confession about the lingerie, Aubrey, who has climbed back into his seat now, just stares with widened eyeliner rimmed eyes and looks to the camera. "...my what shiny teeth you have and oh my what big man boobs you have?" He shrugs his shoulders and blinks. "As you see, we're getting to the real truth here, as that lovely mental image burns its way into your memory... lets see what else we can uncover." He looks back between the two. "Have you two ever considered...an alternative here? I might have an idea. I am, after all, far more intelligent when it comes to matters of logic and technical application than you both."

McGuire doesn't flinch, with the smashed rum bottle or the jabby finger. He instead turns to Aubrey, "He's right on that account, I am sorry for my harsh words to you on your show." He then tosses his glass behind him to shatter on the floor and looks to Frost, "And your right again, I offer nothing to offer you that you can grasp as logic or common decency. Only a true Noble would understand those concepts. So I will instead counter with truth, the rebuilding of Paquin was not just business and livelyhood or homes that you so lightly trample on, we rebuilt a hatred for you and your kind, a hatred you feel upon your person even now. If we don't agree on peace here and now, that will not end. But it just wont be the Romany or the people of Paquin. Your war is with the Alliance because you want to be free and believe every should be the same, well freedom starts with you Frost. If you enjoy being attacked everywhere you go, the you've found your freedom. If that is what you truly want, then it will never end for you. Alliance and civilians alike will be standing up to you. Not for what you stand for in your battle against the Alliance, but you Frost, the man. The one who self proclaims himself the string puller in all the Commonwealth does. An endless resentment that will greet you everywhere you go except in your own home, and that will be found sooner or later and we all know what happens then. If your willing to say peace, then there will be one less group you'll have to worry about. If you don't, then you've declared war on all the people you want to free. Now I ready know you've taken a lose at the hands of the Alliance. Do you want it to be at the hands of the common folk as well?"

Frost looks back at Mcguire as the man begins to speak, ignoring Aubrey's questions for a moment. "Ye fancy yerself smarter then me Cap'n, n' this will be ah significant downfall for ye." states the Admiral. He then turns his gaze to Aubrey. "Offer yer alternatives, Monkey Man, because this bloke simply thinks he wields tha power to tell ME wha' tah do." but he doesn't shut up with that, instead, he looks back at McQuire. "As ah said, COWARDS. It 'as been more then one gypsy tha 'as stood 'gainst, n' talked gainst tha Commonwealth. This is ah war for freedom. Freedom for those forgotten. The romany.. ye whine n' cry to anyone that will lend n' ear, usin' any method ye can to get your pathetic whines across." the Pirate King shakes his head. "This be no parlay of peace, but yet another cowardly plea. Ye threaten me with wha ye think tha commonfolk will do? Well mate, ah tell ye now, the COMMON FOLK are lookin' to tha COMMONWEALTH for freedom, tha RIM is lookin' to tha COMMONWEALTH for freedom. Ye be looking tah complain."

Aubrey wasn't joking when he mentioned that this would be the first time something like this had ever been broadcast over the cortex and he writes something else down on his clipboard before clearing his throat. "Very well, Captain...you sought parlay, it was given. You want peace, then you have to be at peace with yourself first. This means, you cannot tell the Admiral about how things should or could be done, just that you'd like something done. And you, Admiral...you're gonna have to accept that some people...are not as well endowed as you are, mentally or physically. They will whine, they will bitch, they will moan, and they will squack...but it is within your power to give them what they need, want, and will benefit the most from." He points between the two with his stylus. "Do you both wish to help protect the people who wish to be free? Just answer this one question for me, and I can offer suggestions. If not...then I will have to take drastic measures. So, you Captain tell the Admiral, what you can offer him...and then you Admiral tell the Captain what will make it work...and we'll start from there." A pause. "Have you gotten me a birthday gift yet?"

McGuire smiles as he looks at Frost, "Do I think I'm smarter, no, but I know when to fight and like you, when to fall back. You see there is one thing you don't know about me, I'm only half Romany and the other half is standing up to you right here and right now. I wont back down from what I've said because I don't cow down.A mans only as good as his word and I'm telling you right now, I can leave you and yours alone if you do the same. Now I haven't made any threats to you, nor am I afraid of yours. I agree with our host here, it takes great men to come to an agreement, and I'm only asking. I wont beg nor will I back down. All I can do is ask."

McGuire looks at Aubrey, "A huge bellow red dress with pumps, but it's a secret."

Frost nods a bit at Aubrey, it seems while the bloke was one bizzare cookie, he had a head on those always displayed shoulders. "Aye." he says to Aubrey. "It's ah nightie set fer tha' god forsaken monkey. Also, ah 'ave decided not to run ye through for soilin' tha Dregs." he then plunks back into the seat, his expression deadpan. At McGuire's gift the pirate smirks. He knew he had one up'd him. He then takes a moment to respond. "Listen, mate. Ah don' care if ye 'ave cannon balls made of titanium, n' ah wangdoodle tha can touch tha second moon of Ezra. Ah do not fear tha 'forces' of tha Romany. They fear me. Ah would pit any one of me many pirates against any twelve of yer warrior gypsies, n' laugh rum right out me nose as they were each cut down like saplings." he raises his hand and looks towards the camera. "People of Paquin. If THIS be tha best ye can do, in hopes of securin' yer lively hoods.. nay... yer very lives in tha course of this war, ye will find ah beter negotiator then this."

Aubrey does listen rather intently to both men and their gift mentions and their responses and all that good stuff, scribbling things down as they talk looking quite pleased. Aubrey then just shakes his head slowly. "This isn't about fear, this is about peace...Captain. It matters very little what you are or aren't afraid of..." He has to point out. "Also, thank you Admiral, I'll be cleaning the dregs on my hands and knees for the weeks to come." Back to the topic on hand. "Do a trade. One of your gypsies and one of your pirates must both come and stay at the Hope House for a week while working together to resolve a horrible tragedy. They will learn from one another and go back to their people. However...before you ask me how this will help? There will be no way for the Pirates to think the Rom are just spineless crazy people with nice jewelry and there will be no way for the Rom to believe Pirates are hygiene lacking sociopaths with sharp weapons and a fondness for blowing shit up." A pause. "Well...that might be true but the whole being afraid, well being, blah blah blah, raar Frost's a monster bullshit really is getting old. So will you two agree that while the entire planet of Paquin might not be safe...those who agree to abide to the terms of a treaty drawn up by you two after the exchange...and to ABIDE STRICTLY THIS TIME." He gives the Captain a look. "/They/ will be safe for now. Over time, things might change. But you asked to do the parlay peace shit on my show and we're doing it, will this work?"

McGuire looks from Aubrey, listening to his words, and turns to Frost. He shrugs, "It's up to you Admeral. What do you want to do?" He holds his tongue this time to get an answer first and it shows with a the way he tightens his lips together and sits back on the stool with his hands on the table before him and arms strait.

Frost grins at Aubrey's suggestion, chuckling darkly. "Aye." he says, looking between the two men. "Ah agree to these terms. One from each of our clans, pit 'gainst whate'er it be tha this lunatic..." he indicates Aubrey with a jerk of his thumb. "..comes up with." he then claps his hands together, rubbing them. "Ah state 'ere n' now, tha one of me own doctors will take this challenge, n' take it with all pride n' seriousness." he then looks to McGuire. "Should this 'gypsy' of yours prove not to be a traitorous, treaty breakin' coward, ah will grant the treaty to tha Romany people, on the word of one of me own."

McGuire says, "That beats me accepting your challenge against your best in a fight. But wouldn't it be better if it where you and me at the Hope House? But as you wish Admiral. One of your doctors and the council will chose the Romany to go on their behalf. I'll leave that up to them. It is agreed then." He rises to his feet and offers a hand to Frost as a business man to seal the deal."

Aubrey nods slowly as he looks between the two, allowing his tiny monkey to take a tiny umbrella out of the coconut drink he picks up as he listens to both men come to some type of agreement. "Then you have both made a verbal commitment here and now, in front of the Verse...on the sanctity of the Monkey Madness set, before Ocular Processing..." He points to his monkey. "Myself and all the stuffed dead parrots..." He pauses at the suggestion of McGuire and he looks to Frost and then back to McGuire. "...I don't think the Admiral knows how to take baths...the Hope House might scare him..." He shrugs his shoulders. "But who, from your clans, agrees to come is up to you. Be it you or another person. Just let me know, and they will be offered the protection of the Hope House's neutral territory, free food, clothing, and a place to sleep during their stay...all other accommodations that must be made will be handled confidentially." He exhales softly. "So!" He waits to see if the two will shake hands.

Frost simply chuckles, although it is a dark chuckle. "I expect this to be ah challenge, Cap'n. It would not be such should ah be tha one to participate. Besides, ah do 'ave n' empire to oversee." he says, nonetheless, the Admiral stand, his cape slowly sliding off the chair, and he reaches over to grip the Half-Romany Captain's hand, giving him potentially the handshake of a lifetime, and also possibly the most painful. Frost was a powerful man. Hand-shake complete, the Admiral withdraws his hand and continues to stand. "Very well, we 'ave n' accord."

McGuire doesn't show the pain throbbing in his hand now and he pulls a breath to calm it inside him. Frost is a powerful man and Fao wasn't about to try and outdo him on this. An accord is a start in the right direction. He stands there and waits for the show to end.

Aubrey carefully puts away his digi-pad and stylus after murmuring to his monkey companion softly in Binary and then he looks back to the men, getting to his feet slowly. "There you go Verse, you heard and saw it here first...the future of the verse rests on this fragile treaty." A pause. "And their representatives will be all MINE for a WEEK." He cackles and presses his hands together looking like a maniacal androgynous white as chalk hula dancer with nice hair. He does compose himself, coughing softly and gesturing between the two. "Thank you all for tuning in to this very special episode of Monkey Madness where we heard that the Captain prefers wearing heels and the Admiral loves to secretly...yeah, I'm not going there again." He pinches the bridge of his nose, closing his eyes at the mental image before quickly shaking his head. "Um...oh yes! Thank you all for tuning in to Monkey Madness, oo oo aah aah, the interview show that brings the truth to the verse and the verse...to the truth!" He blows a kiss to the camera before turning to look between the two men and starts to shimmy and sway his hips to the sound of the tropical music that begins playing, stage whispering. "It is the dancing time again." Lots of booty shaking and dancing around to the theme music.

Frost turns towards the camera, and true to his last appearance on the show, he begins to pump his fists and wiggle his hips back and forth, his cape swaying side to side. It is quite possibly one of the most awkward things one might see in their life, trumped only by alien invasions and elephant's in milk jugs. The Admiral continues the awkward version of 'booty shaking' until the blasted credits finally roll.

McGuire steps back and picks up his stool to do a waltz for a minute before placing it gently down in it's place and turns and walks out of the cameras view to get to his ship that is already ready to leave.

Aubrey shakes it fast, watches himself, shakes it fast...shows them what he's working with, grass skirts swaying as he flashes thumbs up to Frost and Mcguire before dropping the hand quickly and gasping as the guy starts leaving... before...

SCREEN GOES BLACK: THANK YOU FOR WATCHING MONKEY MADNESS