Monkey Madness - Frost

LOG - August 20, 2011

Monkey Madness - Interview with Frost

Aubrey is a very fashionable individual, really. Settled down in a chair, his white hair is curly and there's a purple stetson worn at an angle on his head as he's dressed like a little bitty cowboy, a sparkly cowboy and he holds a clipboard as he clears his throat. "WELCOME, to Monkey Madness, oo oo, aah ahh, the interview show that bring the truth to the verse and the verse...to the truth." He stares at the camera. "I'm here with the star of the hour, a man who can introduce himself." Then heavy rap music begins to play and animated dancers dance across the screen. Stick figure dancers that is, with very big butts.

Frost is also a very fashionable man, in his purple and grey battlearmor, purple and black dreads, and a mirrored contact. As the camera pans to him, seated in what can only be described as a throne. It would appear he is staring rather blankly at Aubrey as the introduction to the program is given. He does pause in his staring to looks around at the beginning of the rap music, then back at Aubrey as he awaits an introduction. The Admiral, a man known to leave his introduction to others and to reupatation alone just stares, silent. After a few moments of the awkward silence, the camera pans back to Aubrey.

Aubrey is quiet for a few moments before taking a deep breath and he looks around. "Okay. So. This is...a man." He nods sagely. "His penis might be huge but....he is one hundred percent human. Can you believe it? I couldn't." He nods to Frost. "Welcome to the show, Admiral Frost. You've had a very busy week haven't you? Completely fucked up my reality program too..." He glares for a moment. "ANYWAYS, welcome to the show. Thank you for being here and thank you for agreeing to do this with me." He squints at his clipboard. "Right, first question." He blinks. "Why do you think people think you're an asshole?"

Frost continues to stare. It might be a bit unnerving. While the Admiral agreed to do this, it is obvious the Admiral didn't quite know what to expect. He's no stranger to the camera, but generally does his broadcasts on his own terms, so, this was new. Then, the question comes, and Frost scoots back into his throne, backdropped by the Three-Headed Hydra flag of the Commonwealth. They were definitely somewhere on his turf. He crosses one leg to rest atop the other. "Cause ah be n' arsehole." he answers, very simply. He had a deep, raspy voice, and obviously a very thick accent. His scarred visage twisting into a nearly 'duh!' expression.

Aubrey leans against his chair-arm, elbow resting against the arm and fist against his chin as he carefully put on a pair of lenseless glasses and listens to the answer given. "...because you are...okay. Well. You are very good at being an asshole Mister Frost, so kudos for that." He scans his pad. "You have had a very busy week this week, lots of people died. You destroyed I think a cotton candy stand as well, and it did /nothing/ to you." He shakes his head slowly. "I don't like cotton candy, it tastes like dried out ear wax dipped in baby piss." He shrugs helplessly. "What food don't you like?"

Frost's blank stare wasn't going anywhere anytime soon. It was blatantly obvious this was NOT what he had expected. He looks around for a moment, as if looking for some sort of explanation as to what was going on here. He gets nothing, so looks back. He had just been complimented on his skills as an asshole, so he replies with a solid, "Thank ye?" his voice a few octaves higher as he hesitantly gives his appreciation. Then the cotton candy stand. "Neither do ah like Cotton Candy. Me target was not fluffy junk, but solid targets." he explains, trying to make sense of it. Then question two comes, and another one eyed blink. "Ah don't like seafood." and there it is folks, a pirate that won't eat SEAFOOD.

Aubrey blinks at the response as he writes something down on his clipboard and just stares at Frost for a moment, not afraid to look the pirate king in his eye. He even gets to his feet, slipping a tube of something from a pocket and opening it as he gets a bit closer, leaning over to stare at himself in the mirrored contact as he works on touching up his lipstick as he asks. "You don't like seafood? Hm, is my lipstick smeared? Doesn't look like it. Anyways." He touches his lips together. "Do yo want me to do your make-up? I'm sure the verse would love to know...do you think the verse will always be in some kinda war? Or will your big purple dreadlocked ass eventually get tired of kicking people's asses?"

Frost actually LEANS BACK a bit as Aubrey gets up in his face to touch up his lipstick. He looked like a deer in headlights. However, he doesn't blink, you know, just in case it messes Aubrey up. Not a serious question had been asked and the Admiral appeared to be on the ropes! "Uh, Nay." he answers in response to the lipstick, shocked he was just utilized like the rear-view mirror on a hover MULE. he tries to loosen up, his shoulders rather stiff, but he was holding his patience in check, he did, afterall, agree to this. Then, finally, a REAL question. Now Frost was comfortable. He leans forward, "There will be war s'long as tha Alliance n' those tha' side with them, n' hide behind their banner continue to turn ah blind eye to tha rim. Continue to oppress those alone n' tha black, to fund their towers n' politics within tha Core." WIN! Frost even smiles a bit, displaying his gold and platnium grill.

Aubrey takes a moment to write something on his clipboard as he nods seriously and tilts his head to the side like a little monkey and he skitters back to his chair, settling down and taking a deep breath. "So you /do/ fight for the people who can't fight for themselves. You're like...a really...crusty superhero. We need you. If we didn't have you...then lots of Alliance people wouldn't have jobs." He taps his pen against his lips before snapping his fingers and jumping up. "WHAT! Are you going to get me for my birthday?"

Frost leans forward a bit as Aubrey writes. He was unaware there would be notes. Are there other people taking notes? Did she just call him crusty. He lifts both arms, sniffing his armored armpits. "Ah not be crusty.." he says, rather timidly, in his own defense. The rest of what Aubrey says causes Frost to think as well. "Ah not be doin' this tah repair tha Alliance economy, which be built on tha backs of those on tha Rim, and seemin'ly flourishin'. Ah be doin' this 'cause, tha PIRATES be doin' this 'cause tha rim 'as nobody else fightin' fer them." he says, puffing out his chest, which is short lived as Aubrey suddenly yells in his direction. "Posiedon's dick barnicles!" he exclaims, squishing back into his seat. "Ah didn' even know it was yer birthday!" he says defensively.

Aubrey hisses and claws the air before shaking his head. "Well. It isn't. Yet." He shakes his head. "Does Poseidon really have crustaceans on his testicles?" He considers the response he gets, settling back down in his chair and adjusting his hat. "You lost people and the Shiny Jewelry people lost people. You did very gross things with one of the competitors in the Metal Prince competition's head. I even drew a picture of you sodomizing a camel because I was so mad at you." He looks over his glasses at Frost. "But I think you have a part to play in shaping the future of the verse, and I like your hair. You can mop a floor if you do headstands. So...I suppose I can ask you." He sighs softly. "Will you let me plant a plot for all the people who died recently in the battle of Who was A Bigger Dick?"

Frost stares again at Aubrey as he is hissed and clawed at, he sort of moves his head out of the way. It may seem ironic, but the Pirate King was currently considering someone elses sanity! "Ah've never seen 'is testi..." he begins to respond. He then stops himself. "Fug, ah am not answerin' yer rhetorical questions!" he states loudly, his hands gripping the arms of his throne tightly. His fingers white knuckling under the armored gloves. Luckily, as his patience grows thin what is seemingly a real question starts to be delivered. "Aye, both sides 'ad losses. It be tha unfortunate nature of war n' change." but, the Admiral then suffers a bait n' switch, and Aubrey comes out with the camel thing. "Ah 'ave ne'er stump jumped no bloody camel! Ah ain' ne'er even seen ah real camel!" he growls a bit, seeming a bit angry, on edge. "Ye can plant plots all o'er tha place, ye crazy bloke!" he quickly leans forward. "Let me ask ye somethin', Aubrey, do ye 'ave dang-diddlies, or ah bear cave? Ey? How 'bout tha!"

Aubrey listens rather intently to everything being said and he's just quiet as he watches Frost's reaction and his eyebrows raise. "...I know. That's why I drew the picture. I was very very angry...but burned the picture, so don't worry. Nobody will see." Then at the question he also leans forward and squints at Frost at the question before tilting his head to the side. "..." He stands up and carefully shrugs out of his duster and undoes his belt, unfastening his pants and pushing them down. "This is called a penis. I can make it dance, do you want to see?" Yes...the pale pale pale pale little pretty man doesn't wear underwear. "HOW ABOUT THAT YE WANKER! WANNA SEE A TRICK OR GO BACK TO FINISHING THE INTERVIEW!?"

Frost blinks as Aubrey responds and then gets up in his face. You know, there would be a chance if Aubrey had simply just gotten in his face, with his face, this would be all well and good. But what happens has the Admiral STUNNED! Without thinking Frost BATS his interviewer's penis away *twack* and then starts rubbing off potential penis juice on the arm of his throne. "Put tha tha FUG away, mate!" he yells in response. "N' call me ah wanker 'gain, n' ahm gonna string ye up by tha fleshy man flap, n' fly yer purple arse as me next flag!" he was the wiggling his hand, shaking it off. "Now, ask yer bloody questions!" he was panting, heavily, trying to keep himself in check as best he could, but his chest was obviously heaving from the effort.

Aubrey looks a bit uncertain as his mini-bree is touched by ROYALTY. He makes his way back to his chair and tugs a purple marker out of his bag and carefully starts writing on his...wang as he shakes his head. "That might be enjoyable." He points out. "I've never been a flag before." He sighs softly. "Okay, two more questions....first question, do you have anything you'd like to say to the people who are getting messed up and killed up because they get caught in the middle of your very important wars?" He does look to be concentrating on whatever he's writing.

Frost just sits there, stunned, flabergasted. Never in a hundred years did he expect to find himself in this situation.. faced with a pretty little man that was actually unsettling to HIM, of all people. He swallows, watching in near horror as Aubrey keeps his penis out and writes upon it. He then shakes his head, lifts his chin, to avoid staring, and simply focuses on the next question. Now ignoring Aubrey's penial distraction, the Admiral responds. "Aye. O'er ah decade ago, another force fought tha Alliance, n' they buckled, allowin' assimilation into tha Core Worlds.. 'perfect Verse'." he then shakes his head, dreadlocks flapping. "Those tha do not stand by tha Alliance have nothin' tah fear from tha Commonwealth, but those tha bend knee to parliment, n' suck tha blood of those fogotten, will feel tha same pain, n' strength of purpose, tha those on Paquin felt." he looks towards the camera. "Tha Commonwealth will NOT bow to tha Alliance. Each pirate will give their lives fightin'."

Aubrey tucks his penis back into his pants after a few moments, toying with his marker and listening to the passionate declaration and nodding slowly. "Riiiiiight." A pause. "If you die, I'll take care of things for you." He shrugs and writes something down on his clipboard and he just stares at Frost rather intently. "Last question, I promise. I want to thank you again for doing this...I feel we've really connected. The verse knows more about you now." He blinks. "Oh, yes, the question. What is your favorite flower?"

Frost stares back, still looking a bit uncomfortable, and unsettled. He was likely going to drink away the memory of this interview. "Aye, ye be welcome." he says as he is thanked, yet stares at Aubrey still as he mentions them connecting. He mutters under his breath. "We connected, alright, right on yer wangdoodle." he then lifts his chin again as the last question is posed and he just shakes his head. His favorite flower? Really? He sighs, so very few of these questions had been what he expected. "Tha corpse flower." he answers. "Ah saw one once on Ezra. It stank like tha dead, 'n 'ad ah huge purpley penis stickin' out of it." he then looks around, seemingly hopeful that was it. he figured he had embarassed himself enough.

Aubrey hmms softly and carefully slips his clipboard into his bag along with his marker and he pets something in his bag as he listens to Frost with a slow blink. "Then....you delight in the dead and the purple phalluses." He sighs and gets to his feet, brushing off his pants after zipping them up and shrugging back on his duster. He does look around and then he looks to the camera. "Thanks for watching the very first episode of Monkey Madness...with my guest, the one and only...Admiral Frost!" He gestures towards Frost and then back to the camera. "I hope you enjoyed watching, and remember...we bring the truth to the verse and the verse to the truth." He blows a kiss and turns to Frost, stage whispering. "You have to dance now." And then he does start dancing to the music as the credits begin to run. Lots of booty shaking and dancing around.

Frost stands as well as Aubrey does his sign off. He doesn't say anything, as he lets the man do his job. besides, it was over now, something the Admiral could delight in.. that is, until he recieves the stage whisper. He blinks his one eye, looks at the camera, and then back to Aubrey as he starts dancing. There is an obvious swallow from the Admiral before he starts to... dance? Lifting his hands up into fists, bringing his elbows in at midsection level, the Pirate King begins to sway back and forth VERY uncomfortably. Wiggle Wiggle. Shake Shake. For moments the most intimidating man in the Verse looks like your grandfather at a geriatric mixer. Internally he just wants this all to end.

Aubrey actually giggles and nods in approval before the SCREEN GOES BLACK: THANK YOU FOR WATCHING MONKEY MADNESS