Dash/Diary Excerpts

Here are some excerpts from Dash' diary. The purpose of this page is twofold. On one hand it provides you, the player, an insight in Dash's thoughts. On the other hand it I wrote it as a means to help me give my character depth and to discover her. Needless to say, but these snippets are strictly OOC information. Let me say that again.

This is a subpage on Yang Guang "Dash" O'Sullivan.

This is OOC information.

2525

May 9th, 2525

My Dearest Diary,

I'm in a deep state of confusion. Dad's receiving a lot of waves that, somehow, are about me. He won't let me hear them, he won't let me see them, but I just know they're about me. See, if this would be happening two weeks before my birthday, I could understand. But now? It makes no sense. I'm in a deep state of confusion.

Bless,

your Yang Guang,

subject of many waves.

May 20th, 2525

My Dearest Diary,

A-ha! The mystery of the Waves About Yang Guang is solved! Dad's been busy signing me up for some internal training programme at his work! If I get my backside through this programme, I'll be a fully certified security guard at Dad's work! How tight is that?

So much of the euphory. I think it's... nice... that he tries to help me to a job, but I think he has taken the easy route. Pull some strings at the Depot, because he's been working there for years now. He knows the people, the foreman trusts him as a reliable employee, and as soon as he heard about the training programme he asked, begged, asskissed the foreman to put me on the list.

It's not that I'm not grateful, because I really am, but it's not like it's my dream job or anything. Whatever, we're just gonna do this. It beats sitting around all day and it could be fun. Who knows?

Bless,

your Yang Guang,

having something to do again.

2526

September 13, 2526

My Dearest Diary,

Well. Here we are. The Powers That Be have begun their investigation. Captain says I'm should be fine, that I don't have to worry. But the thing is, I worry. I worry sick. I feel nauseous when I try to sleep, I feel nauseous when I wake up. I feel nauseous when I eat, when I drink, when I brush my teeth and see my face in the mirror. Hell, I feel nauseous when I breathe.

I tried to speak to Dad today, but he's been so absorbed in his work lately. If I don't see him studying these gorram schematics he's eating, and if he isn't eating he's stuying these gorram schematics of him. Dad, helloo-hoo? Can't you see I'm here? I'm ruttin' crying for your attention! Stupid sumbitch. Get yourself together. It's been, how long now, almost ten years. For real. I don't mean that you should get over it. I understand you can't, and I won't hold that against you. I understand, that, I do, but you really have to find a way to deal with it. I'm going apeshit here!

Anyway. It's not so much the act that I despise. I did what I did, because I had to. I mean, that guy seriously had it coming. He could've stopped running or he could not have gotten his backside on the premises in the first place. So in that regard I don't feel sorry for him. It's also not really the image that I can't get off my mind. It was a terrible sight, sure. The blood, but more importantly the shocked expression in his eyes. They say eyes are the window to the soul. If that's true, then this man's soul was the personification of Fear.

No, what bothers me most is that he must've had family. A loving mother, perhaps a beautiful wife? Children, who knows. And friends, of course. And all of those people now have to make do without him, because of us. I don't know them, and I probably never will, but the thought of their loss makes me sick. SICK SICK SICK.

Bless,

your Yang Guang,

going to stab someone's eye out.

October 24, 2526

My Dearest Diary,

Today I've been shopping with Samantha. We had a shiny time and I'm totally in love with the shoes she got herself. If only they had them in my size... Anyway, not to mourn. We spent the better part of the afternoon in the mall, and that was good, because it helped us get our minds off that other thing of today.

The police have finished their investigation and their ruling was exactly what we expected: we weren't at fault, we acted lawfully, his death was a tragic by-effect, we won't be prosecuted. It said that in fancier words, of course, but that's the idea.

So I reckon we're good, as far as that story goes. Dad still doesn't talk to me, though. The longer this lasts, the less I'm convinced he's actually angry with me, though I don't know what's wrong. He eats less every day, I think you can even see that he's lost a good couple pounds. I'm worried but I don't know how to get to him. I hate him because I love him. I want to break his neck, so that he finally acknowledges me and realises it's about time to pay some attention to me!

Bless,

your Yang Guang,

still on those old, worn and torn sneakers.

December 7th, 2526

My Dearest Diary,

I. Can't. Believe. My. Ears!!! Holy Cows in All Seven Heavens, today Dad talked to me! We we're sitting at the table, eating our dinner in dead cold silence as usual, and suddenly he started talking! I think he's caught a fever or something though, because I didn't understand a thing of what he was saying. Like, he was proud of me and I am his big girl and isn't it a miracle how fine I turned out. Laba-laba. Lots of nothing, I say. I was so utterly baffled and perplexed that I couldn't find the words to tell him what I'm trying to tell him for months. I dont' know what weird game he's playing, but I want out.

Anyway, Samantha's not holding up so well. Today at work she had a nervous breakdown and she was sent home early. I feel for her, I really do. She's the most kind-hearted person I've met in a long, long time. That, and she grasps my humor and she just feels me, you know? But now she's not coping with that man we layed down and I don't know what to do.

Bless,

your Yang Guang,

helplessly watching it all go south.

2529

March 14th, 2529

My Dearest Diary,

It looks like spring is beginning. Walked to Central Station with no jacket on, and it was nice and it was warm and boy, do I love it! I can't wait for the summer but for now I'm happy with what I got. Everybody's mood seemed to be better, too. In the train to work all I saw was smiles and happy faces and color. Color on people's skins, color in their clothing, color in their moods! Winter, once again I have beaten you. See you next year!

Bless,

your Yang Guang,

totally in love with the sun.

March 27th, 2529

My Dearest Diary,

Samantha's getting a nice sun tan. I like that, it looks good on her. I think it makes me wish I was a white girl, too. Come every summer, you get to be prettier than you were the last couple of months. It has a certain poetry to it, I think. Good for me that I don't need it, though. I'm hot all year through!

Other than that, today wasn't really exceptional. Dad tried his hand at the shrimps, I mean, The Shrimps again. I think it's cute, but... It's still not the same. He's being generally okay-ish to have around and I'm glad we've talked the other day. Cleared out a lot of mutual misunderstandings. Still, something feels off. I don't know what it is.

I'm torn. On one hand I really want Dad to open up. I really want him to let me through to him, to let us bond again, like in the Days That Were. On the other hand I'm more and more thinking: go screw yourself, Dad. I don't care, I don't give a crap, and I don't want to know you anymore.

Bless,

your Yang Guang,

hotter than ever and done with it all.

2530

Februari 3, 2530

My Dearest Diary,

I'm exhausted! That was a beautiful ceremony, it had everything. It was romantic, it was full of happy lovely people, Dad has been smiling all day, everything was per-fect-ly arranged, and I can proudly say we did a good job. I think it's the best wedding I've ever seen.

Having said that, I must also reveal that I can't stand that snake-eyed monster of a woman. Yes. I'm happy for Dad. He really deserves this. I can see how happy she makes him and I reckon it's good that he finally opened up to someone again. And I should leave it at that. But I just. Can't. Stand. Her.

It's the way she talks, the way she walks, the way she looks at me, the way she dresses. She disgusts me and every single nerve in me and she makes me want to slap her in the face! Must... resist... the urge! I'll just have to learn to deal with it.

Bless,

your Yang Guang,

the proudest daughter on this world.

May 14th, 2530

My Dearest Diary,

I ran out of words. This is the seventh day I am on this rock, and still there seems to be no end to the variation of cultures I run into every day. I thought I had seen my share of ethnic diversion back in the city, but that was really just a fraction of the kinds of people out here. I love the smells of the food here. People are preparing the most delicious snacks, just on the corners of the street and I even saw a couple food vendors near the landing area.

Anyway, I saw a few job ads today and I even have an appointment for an interview. This could be interesting and I'm really looking forward to it.

I noticed something else, too. I'm not the girl I was two months ago. Something has changed and I don't know yet what it is. I think I'm actually... happy? I've been happy before, but not as a permanent state of mind. I really like this!

So I have been thinking. I think, all this rage I felt for Dad? All this anger against him? Maybe I did him wrong. He... well, he has never had the greatest education, but the Old Man isn't stupid either. He has a certain wisdom around him. Knows things. Knows people, rather. When he signed me up for that training programme? I don't think he did it just because it was the easy way to get me a job. I vaguely recall writing that at the time. No, I'm sincerly convinced that he landed me that job because he knew, deep down, that that training would turn me into... I don't know... into a better person.

And as I am wandering here, along the people of Persephone, I can see more and more clearly what Mom saw in him. He has a certain goodness around him, a golden heart you could say. We used to have this joke, "Mommy makes people better, Daddy makes trains better," but I'm not convinced anymore that that's the whole truth. I think it should've been, "Mommy makes people better, and so does Daddy."

One thing I still don't understand, though, and that's why he ignored me so often. Gave me the silent treatment. I mean, it's clear that he loves me, that he still does, or I wouldn't have been able to buy the shuttle ticket, but... Why does he never show it?

Bless,

your Yang Guang,

excited and ever so puzzled.